when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i will never coherently bang her
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
