My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I need a beard to bite.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize