please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
