Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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