Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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