he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
