im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Randomize
