Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize