Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
