Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Randomize
