im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
