if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
