It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You were trust falling into bushes
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
