Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
