You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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