saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
