She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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