Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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