Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
