dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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