i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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