you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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