You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
