I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
