Cold hands, warm shart.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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