I want to stick my p in your. b.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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