i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
