when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
