Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
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