I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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