im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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