I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize