My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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