Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
