he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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