I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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