He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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