if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
