Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
50% drunk capacity currently
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
