How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize