He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
