It's a beautiful day for a hangover
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize