so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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