He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
