just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Randomize
