I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
