Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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