My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Holy sore nipples Batman
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
