people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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