dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Randomize
