I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Randomize
