he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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