i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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