i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
