she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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