The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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