I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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