did you get engaged???
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
