Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
