I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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