accomplished twins. life is a go
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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