he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize