i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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