Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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