dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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