Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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