Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
