i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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