If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
