my sisters under your porch take her home
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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