you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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